It's Friday afternoon, a week earlier Anni and Sven were on their "late love" for the first time. Now Sven is standing in front of her inherited ship again and doesn't want to believe it. An A4-sized note is attached to the railing with the following handwritten message: "From 3 p.m. teeth cleaning. Just knock!"
"I can't believe it," he says to Anni, climbs on board and slams his teeth-cleaning equipment, which he has actually brought with him, onto the saloon table. "She's really serious." By "she" he means Wochenändi, who is already knocking on the hull of the ship as soon as he finishes his thought. "Hellouuuuuu!", the sound is unmistakable. Before Anni or Sven can ask her on board, she is already standing in front of the cabin door, her Schnupsi in tow.
Dental treatment on Bors
"Schnupsi needs a clean." He sits down wordlessly on the salon bench and opens his mouth. Today he's wearing a T-shirt that says "Just shut up!". Anni briefly wonders whether the slogans on his T-shirts (last weekend it said "Before you ask - no!") are hidden messages to his wife. But she says nothing.
Sven grumbles as he puts on latex gloves and stares into Schnupsi's mouth. "He has amazingly well-preserved teeth for his age. Very nice." Little Lenni, who suddenly appears in the parlour as if he's been plucked out of the ground, lectures: "There are 32 of them, if they're still complete. That's the normal number of teeth for adults, provided the wisdom teeth are not impacted."
"Retained?" asks Wochenändi. "Retained in the bone," comes Lenni's matter-of-fact reply. "A bit like Sven's motivation." He looks seriously at Sven, who thinks: 'That little shit!
Two hours later, his neighbour Siegfried is sitting on the saloon cushion. "Can you have a look at the crown? And while you're at it, can you do a bleaching? In return, I'll give you an engine service." Sven switches to stubborn: "I'm not swapping dentistry for the smell of diesel!" he says proudly. "This is going to be a one-off!"
The jetty is decorated in the evening. Fairy lights hang between the masts, music blares over the water. Wochenändi is wearing a dress that is far too tight, glittering like a disco ball on ecstasy. "Let's make this harbour great again!" she shouts. "Oh God," whispers Sven.
Schnupsi is standing at the barbecue. His T-shirt now reads: "Yes!" Wanda drags Sven onto the improvised dance floor. Lenni stands at the edge and watches Stefan as he tries to clap to the beat. "Alcohol consumption leads to coordination problems," he explains. "You can clearly see that with Stefan." He then dances with Bea as if he wants to start a very unruly outboard motor. But it's funny, Anni thinks quietly. Everyone is having fun. Theo raises his glass for a sundowner. "To the newcomers. May they swim!"
"Boats don't float," says Lenni. "They displace water ..." Anni interrupts him and proudly announces to the bystanders: "Yes, tomorrow we're going on our first trip. How I'm looking forward to it!"
The first time filing
The next morning, the sky is blue, as if he knows that's what's needed today. "Anni has had a cheerful breakfast, now it's time to go. "Come on!" she calls cheerfully to Sven. He reluctantly gets behind the wheel. "What do I have to do?"
"Cast off!" yells Theo, who is perched on the neighbouring boat. "Cast off!" Sven is confused. "Which one, what do I have to do? They're stuck to the jetty," he shouts. "The mooring lines!" promptly choruses from at least three boats. Anni frantically unties a line - unfortunately the wrong one. The boat drifts crossways. Thank goodness for the finger jetty.
"Rudder amidships!" shouts Siegfried from his boat, which is already in the pit lane. Where did he come from? Have they all colluded? "What's 'amidships'?" shouts Sven in a panic. "Neutral position of the rudder to the longitudinal axis!" explains Lenni enthusiastically. "Otherwise you'll create an uncontrolled torque." His parents' boat is now alongside the "Späte Liebe". "I'll come over to you," says Lenni. "We don't want you to get crushed or lose fingers. Or end up with just a torso. That would fall back on us."
Anni laughs, Sven is taken aback. Just another torso? How dangerous is boating, please? Lenni climbs aboard the "Späte Liebe" with great agility. Sven puts it into gear. Wrong direction. The "Späte Liebe" is moving slowly, almost majestically, but backwards. Someone has untied the lines at the jetty. They are now floating in the water.
Chaotic port manoeuvres
"Ahead, ahead!" yells Theo. "Ahead means forwards!" Sven's face turns red. "Dschisus Kreist, the situation is so funny!" cheers Wochenändi and claps her hands. Sven accelerates, the engine howls. "Not so much gas!" shouts Bea. "That's not a dentist's drill!"
Wochenändi stands at the bow of the "Windhexe" and waves wildly. "Easy-peasy, just feel the flow! Boat is like dancing!" But now the stern of the "Späte Liebe" is drifting dangerously towards a bollard. "Deploy the ball fender!" shouts Lenni. "What?", Anni shouts back. "Or any fender! The cylindrical protective bodies for collision prevention!" Anni throws a fender. It lands in the water.
"I'd rather have a complicated advance VAT return." Anni looks after the dwindling fender. Sven is sweating. "I can't steer and think at the same time!"
"Then stop thinking!" shouts Theo. "Watch out, you're about to crash into the 'Wind Witch'!" Schnupsi shrieks and shifts into gear: "Don't you dare ram my boat!" He's not wearing a T-shirt today, but a hoodie, not without a message, of course: "Get inside yourself and keep your mouth shut!" is emblazoned on his back.
With a lot of shouting and advice, the "late love" finally makes it out of the pit lane. Out on the water, everyone suddenly sets off at once. Like an escort.
"More driving!" shouts Siegfried. "Less speed!" shouts Wanda. "Watch the trim!" shouts Lenni. Sven turns the wrong lever. A loud horn sounds. "That was the typhoon," explains Lenni. "Acoustic signalling device."
Anni goes to Sven and hugs him. "You know what?" - "What?" - "Maybe Hedy wasn't quite right." - "About what?" - "A sissy would have gone home long ago." She grins at him. Sven looks at the water. Everyone waves. Everyone laughs. And nobody is angry. It's going to be a great day. Later, they will sit together again, put sausages on the barbecue and light the fire bowl.
He takes a deep breath. "Lenni," he says, "what now?" - "Constant speed, anticipatory navigation and staying in the fairway." Sven looks at Anni. "Which of these are we doing?"
Anni grins. "Just go straight ahead for now. The rest will work itself out." And surprisingly, it even works.
To be continued
About the author: Steffi von Wolff
The journalist and author lives and works in Hamburg. In summer, she loves to spend her weekends on the Baltic Sea.
"There is magic in every beginning", Hermann Hesse once wrote. Sometimes such a beginning comes unexpectedly. As in Steffi von Wolff's story about a married couple, which starts here and which she will continue in future issues. It is a fictional story, written in Steffi von Wolff's typical glossy style, as we know it from her books. "Whispers on board" and "Harbour cinema" knows. And yet, despite some exaggerations or even seemingly hair-raising anecdotes, it tells of events that could perhaps not be written in exactly the same way, but in a very similar way. "Only those who are ready to set out and travel may escape paralysing habituation," Hesse continues in his famous poem. For von Wolff's protagonist Anni and her husband Sven, this is exactly what it's all about. Their new travelling companion is - how could it be otherwise - a motorboat.
